坐在火车或者高铁上，经过江南江北的旷野时，举目四顾，总能见到一个个坟冢。在高而远的铁轨上下望，这些坟包大抵都呈尖锥状，像是大地的粉刺。或聚或散、或有碑或无碑的坟墓，静静地待在树下田间，只在每年上坟的时候，才会有点点香烟贡火徐徐升起，消散在迷蒙中。北方的冬天，坟冢孤寂地站在平坦如砥的大地上，格外显眼。
这种圆锥形的坟墓或许是通用的形制——在南北的乡村里，我还没有见过另类的设计。费孝通先生在考察时说，太湖地区的棺材并不埋在这土堆之下，而是支木筑棚，安置在桑树的阴影里。我还未亲眼得见。有些地区的坟墓上还有一个泥塑的圆台，长辈告诉我说，这是屋顶。但是这屋顶似乎是可有可无的东西——日久天长，屋顶自然漶灭，但是也不见有人去管。一次上坟时，我执意要拿起一个滑落的屋顶要放回去，险些挨一顿打。这种坟墓形制为农村孩子们提供了玩耍的场所——孩子们各占老坟为王，互相把对方赶下去。这个画面让人一惊一怔，细想后又莞尔。
直到现在，这个小小的土堆还是农村地区大多数人的归宿——人们在抵制火葬时，有着惊人的毅力。虽然结局都是如此，但是死亡却不止是生命消逝和肉体归于地下，活着的人们还要举行各种各样的仪式。 皇帝崩殂时的天下缟素，《红楼梦》里秦可卿出殡时的四十九日大办，不是普通人可用的规格。我所听闻过最盛大的葬礼属于我的太姥爷。据母亲讲，我的太姥爷(也就是她爷爷)家底殷实，生养了九个儿子和两个女儿，在乡邻中颇受尊敬。丧礼之时，所有儿孙们全部聚齐，大办了七日。老人家去得很平静——中午吃了两个馒头一碗粥，到下午两点多钟，“腿一蹬就没了”。这是儿孙们的描述，不见悲伤，因为无疾而终、儿孙满堂的喜丧是一件值得羡慕的事情。丧礼讲究对老人的物质奉献，在这一点上，我的太姥爷仍旧是幸福的——他的儿孙们准备了纸扎的轿子、轿夫、汽车、司机、小童、飞机、金条、银库、粮仓、别墅、毛巾、椅子、乃至喝水用的搪瓷杯。七日之后，在纸灰纷飞中，老人归于地下。据说送葬队伍抵达二里外的墓地时，队尾刚出发不久。
我所见过最悲惨的故事，则是我的另一位长辈。一个女儿在新疆工作，无法照应已经鳏居四十多年的老人。一次，当他感冒时，他已经不再想生活下去，于是绝食。三天之后，他的一生结束了。我没有参加葬礼。上一次我见到他的坟冢时，土堆只略高于我膝。
大多数丧礼居于两者之间，亲友们相互问讯，同时交流着彼此的诧异——“你都五十七了？”“我孩子都已经上高中了”“听说他孩子已经会走了”。人们在红蓝条的塑料布篷里短暂地相聚，在光影的切割下吃一餐简单的筵席，由男人们将逝者送到地下，再封上宿命一样的土堆。亲者或余悲，家人亦已歌，过后各奔东西，如是而已。
逝者虽然归于地下，但是他并没有离开，只是去了另一个地方生活，这是人们普遍的观感。每月初一十五之时，祖先灵位前需上供品，以飨先人。清明、中元和新年前，还要祭扫坟墓。现在乡村日渐少人行，仪式也就渐渐淡泊了。只是年末的一次祭扫是绝不可少的。站在田野里举目四望，只见灰黄的荻草中涌动起无数根烟柱，融化进蓝紫色的天空，好像天空是从大地里冒出来的。
先人不只是迁居冥界，似乎还有了神力，可以保佑子孙平安。每每上坟之时，长辈们都要对先人大声说出自己的愿望——身体健康、阖家幸福、财源滚滚，大抵是这些愿望。有时还包括保佑子孙高考必胜，因为愿望只能有三个，所以这时“财源滚滚”会被取消掉。——随后再扣上三个响头。
子孙在先人面前，是不惮于谈论俗务的，这个时候，先人的灵魂似乎又不太纳入考虑。上坟是难得的亲属聚集的机会，男人们往往或言积欠债务，或忧孩子就学，或谈房价高企，或论政治风云，走一路聊一路，无视一路的坟冢，甚至在自己祖先面前也不安歇。我不知道逝者对于这些俗事有什么看法，不知道他们是否如佛家所述，领悟到“四大皆空”。或许更重要的是我们这些活着的不肖子孙有什么看法。纵有千年铁门槛，终须一个土馒头。警示在耳，坟墓在前，尚不能领会，仍然自湎于俗务。电影《黄金三镖客》中，the ugly在无数战死者的坟墓间飞跑，渴求墓穴中的黄金，这大概是我们许多人的写照。 但是我不能因此诘责什么，因为我们本就是这样的生物。
城市中生活的人们面对坟墓，或许有另一种情调。
公墓提供了暂时的栖身之所，之所以说是暂时，是因为公墓管理费用按年计算，并且一次缴纳不能超过20年。那么当社会意义上的死亡到来——没有人再记得逝者的时候，墓地空间也就自然而然被回收了。这空间有时是一小块土地，有时是石柜中的一个小匣子，以严整的方式排列。无论大小，这空间上往往附有照片。死生亦大矣，当人们在无数静默的注视下走过，铁人也不能不为之动容。
新形制的坟墓也渐兴。树葬、海葬、花葬等进入人们的视线。德国收集二战死难犹太人的信息，在他们曾经生活的地方设立了小小的墓碑——巴掌见方的黄铜地标，不时会有活着的人行走在墓碑上。相比于为逝者烧上一大箱纸质“Credit Suisse“金条，这些方式似乎更见得洒脱。
我不知道逝者的世界是什么样的，大概永远也无法认知这一点。只有活着的人明死生之大，这些仪式才不只是机械重复。生命有限，这一点时而让我在夜寐时醒来，怅然若失的悚惧袭上心胸。在有限的时间里，大抵要做些什么，找到一个让自己满意的存在方式，才能自存。
有一日，友人郁郁地对我说，如果她只是孤身一身，没有那么多羁绊，那大概已经死了。
我问她，如果她死了，想要什么花？
她想了想，说想要蓝色鸢尾，假花也行。
“那如果我先死了，也请你给我献花”
“你想要什么花？”
“也不拘是什么花，好看就行。”
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