Amy Pond 第一次见到 Pudsey 的时候，对着 Eleven 语重心长了一大堆当弟弟的应该奋发向上少惹麻烦。
Pudsey 愣了一会想起来 Eleven 临出发前一定要和他交换写了首字母的鞋子，他把目光投向双胞胎哥哥，思忖对方究竟如何在朋友面前描述自己这个在外地上学的弟弟，但证实的结果是零。 Eleven 不习惯于谈论自己——或者，如果一定要的话，他习惯于单单谈论自己而不带什么纽带上的连接物——脐带也不行，虽然确切说他们并不脐带相连。这次乌龙的起源只是在公益社团当义工的 Amy 见到太多被宠坏的老幺从而形成了思维定势，而兄弟俩原本可能的恶作剧——如果他们计划过的话，自然暂时告吹。但这次事件并非没有后果，因为他们在那天晚些时候遇上了 Jennifer，后者把 Pudsey 当成 Eleven 给他浇了一头融化的香草冰激凌，也许这并不是 Eleven 的错，因为主要被浇的是 Jennifer 的老板 Cleaves 女士。但无论如何，在这以后。Eleven 惊异地发现他以为没有叛逆期的弟弟，只是叛逆期迟到。比如说他丢开了领结和粗呢外套，自从兄弟俩小时候受某本读物影响坚信那是精神科医生的制服以来，他们从未在这上面出过岔子。但更多的新闻在等着 Eleven，比如说他弟弟并没有学精神科，他学的是外科。
外科，Eleven 细细咀嚼这个词，而 Pudsey 拒绝给出更多的行业细分术语，究竟是心胸外科，还是神经外科？眼看曾经计划的共同署名论文化为泡影，当哥的心头一阵莫名苍凉，像父亲遥望曾经的小捣蛋鬼背上行囊离开家门。毕竟长兄如父，哪怕是双胞胎哥哥。 Pudsey 并不讨厌自己的哥哥，相反，Eleven 靠一件事就永远赢得了 Pudsey 的尊重与感激。他们家族命名传统之吊诡，从 Eleven 的名字上就可以看出来，而 Twelve 这个词早早定给了一位远方大伯——如你所见，这个家族的命名顺序也毫无规律——的事实并没有给 Pudsey 带来什么好运，他们的父母看着后出来的那一个，在他们看来是按照 Eleven 的模子长的，尽管许多可能的意外都会调转命运。总之，他在成年前不得不顶着Elevenandahalf 这个如同乱码的名字，直到他们成年那一天，Eleven 把自己的私房钱拿了一点出来，带弟弟去改名，并保证承受父母的炮火——虽然预想中的炮火并没有来。新名字也许是照抄了某个儿童福利组织的吉祥物，但总比数字要好。Pudsey 想过他哥哥为什么不一块改个名，最后只能认为这和他们的堂兄 Ten 有某种联系。
Ten 学的是心内科，一边研究心血管构造一边使许多人心碎——当然是比喻意义上的，据说他在八年级话剧时擅自临场发挥给小 Elizabeth 求婚的场景令她铭记至今。Ten 每年在圣诞聚会上和 Eleven 的见面是难以形容的，不确切的说法是 Ten 和 Eleven 也许比 Pudsey 和 Eleven 更为相似。在 Pudsey 小一点的时候，曾经视两位同龄人针锋相对的言语战火为足以毁灭宇宙的头等大事，随着年岁增长，他学会了像长辈们一样，将之看作无伤大雅的节日礼花——据长辈们说，这是家族传统，他们还可以同时列出几个靠在一起的数字名字的往事加以佐证，而当事人早已在时间之力下心平气和。 Pudsey 再次想到这一点，是在听说香草冰激凌事件涉及的是另一位 Jennifer 和另一位 Cleaves 时，Amy发现了新的研究对象，于是迅速拉着她做护士的男友 Rory 从席间窜出去，而 Pudsey 独自捣着他的土豆泥，暗自庆幸被远方大伯领走了数字12，带点迷信地想他和 Eleven 的同胞感情算是逃过一劫，传统的力量全都报应在了 Ten 和 Eleven 上。“至少把他们拉开的时候我们还能分清楚。” War 同意他的看法，这位爷爷是家族里另一位改掉了自己乱码名字的人（Eightandahalf），但他并没有终结数字名字这一传统。
War 多年前在战场上，对于按下按钮十分果断。因此当他载誉归来并展示在国外战场上自己改的名字时，全家曾经大为担忧。但，不，他没有变成一位后来卡通片里 Gaston 那样的人物。他躲过了中年危机，甚至和嬉皮们一起穿着皮衣旅行了一段时间——他的同伴当时就他的名字开了许多玩笑。没人知道他对战与和究竟是怎样的看法，因为许多年后他保留着战争里改的名字，还乐意谈起那个穿着破洞衣服和他并肩坐在大篷车上的“恶狼”姑娘，却对壕沟与炮火只字不提。
同样只字不提的，是那位认领了数字12的 Twelve 大伯。他每年来参加圣诞聚会，但人们总是等到假期过完才想起来他们依然不了解他的私人生活，考虑到他那对瞩目的眉毛和摇滚歌星一样的头发，这很不寻常。与摇滚歌星的通常印象相反的是，人们传言他与一位中学教师出双入对，或者说他迷上了一位考古学教授。这些猜测是徒劳无功的，因为他们连 Twelve 的职业都不清楚，于是他们又开始传说他在哪个遥远的大学作讲师，每天还多吃一份薯条。
Nine 可能是在这些纷纷八卦中唯一置身事外的。他生着一副严肃而坚毅的面孔，却搭配了一对显眼的耳朵，因此格外注意不要探听什么。他给自己框出一方小小的世外桃源，与香蕉和迪斯科舞曲做伴。人们忙于猜测摇滚明星 Twelve 的故事，忘了他们对 Nine 也几乎一无所知。
Nine 的心里当然有秘密，比如一朵甜美的玫瑰。Pudsey 发现这一点的时候大为惊讶，他记得那姑娘。Rose 曾经和 Ten 有过——看上去似乎的——那么一段，直到有一天他们一块攀岩的时候被大风天气困住了，Rose 几乎被吹下山崖，而 Ten 自顾不暇，最后是巡逻的 Tyler 先生把自己的女儿救走的。Pudsey 清清楚楚记得他哥哥和堂兄的某一次争吵中提到了这个故事，Eleven 表示他为 Ten 感到悔恨，那意思是——一位绅士说他为另一位感到悔恨，那是什么意思？
事实上，Pudsey 没有告诉 Eleven 的事情之一是，他之所以舍弃了领结与粗呢外套的打扮，纯粹是某种程度上担忧有一天 Ten 会把他当成 Eleven 。尽管这种大概率事件在过去的数年里都从未发生，Ten 总是准确地找到 Eleven，然后开始他们例行的互相挖苦，从衣着打扮到饮食习惯——奇怪的是，Pudsey 数年来与 Eleven 步调一致，攻击的炮火却从没落到过他身上。他长于扮演，或者担任，温驯的翻版人物，从而不被注意地观察四周，也许用想象力稍稍地进行添油加醋。无论如何，他以为他所观察到的结果暗示，不尽快投入紫色粗针开襟毛衣的话，终有一天，用上点修辞来说，会发生令他尴尬得当场融化的一幕。他抛开专业知识，津津有味地想象了一番自己化得像滩香草奶油的场面，换上开襟毛衣，决定对 Eleven 只字不提，以免双胞胎哥哥以为他在香草冰激凌事件里受了什么极端打击并做心理分析——不，这只是个巧合。
另一个巧合——毋宁说是命运的戏弄——是 Ten 找回了他走失多年的双胞胎弟弟 John Smith。John Smith 的养母是一名精力旺盛、脾气暴躁的红发女子。独生子 Ten 突然面对起兄弟关系问题，不得不来向 Eleven 请教——好像他真的以为 Eleven 和 Pudsey 的兄弟关系里有什么诀窍似的。留下 Pudsey 和 John 大眼瞪小眼。
“全都一个样，哈？富足稳定的医生家庭，平静的青春期，车尔尼雪夫斯基和夏令营。”
“我不会弹车尔尼雪夫斯基。” Pudsey 翻看自己笨拙的手，“我的音乐生涯到《小星星协奏曲》就结束了。”
“你不明白！”
“对，我不明白。” Pudsey 温和地说。
“模范好弟弟太无聊了。我要追求 Rose。” John 宣布。
“他俩早就吹了。” Pudsey 想说能不能别祸害人家姑娘，又觉得自己的家族欠 John 的，说不了重话。他万幸 Rose 和 Ten 是真的吹了。
“那他现在在和谁约会？”
Pudsey 犹豫着要不要分享他的观察结果和八卦思维，但不知为何他预感如果真说了，John 盯上的就不是 Eleven 而是他自个了。
“没有。”
- TBC-
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